When It Is Too Late
by 0hedvig0
Summary: Lisanna didn't mean for it to come this way. The words just, they came out all wrong. What she saw in front of her was her doing. ['Colorful Souls' series]
1. part 1

Lisanna didn't mean for it to come this way. The words just, they came out all wrong. What she saw in front of her was her doing. Red eyes filled with raw pain. Lisanna wanted to throw him on the sofa, that way she could keep his larger and taller body safe in her arms. But, the other emotion was keeping her at her place, standing on the other side of the sofa. Betrayal staring right at her.

Last night, for the first time, she'd woken up in bed. Darkness told her it was long before waking up for work at the guild. It wasn't the first time she woken up in his bed, in the middle of the night. No, it was _what_ had woken her for the first time.

'Why the fuck is you still here?' voice close to a growl.

Lisanna had to look away from those eyes she otherwise loved to gaze into. They were too intense and she couldn't stand how it sometimes changed into anger, almost hatred.

A shiver vibrated along her body. Only clothed in Bickslow's t-shirt, ready to go to bed, Lisanna hugged herself to get some warmth. She was going to ask Bickslow to get the fire started in the fireplace, snowflakes slowly dusted grass and trees outside, but remembered what happened the night before and instead different words tumbled out between her lips. She didn't mean to sound so blunt. She didn't mean to say anything at all, and now she didn't know how to fix this. Fix them. Lisanna was truly afraid Bickslow would say something. Like, that they should break-

No Lisanna couldn't think about that. Instead she lifted her head to meet his eyes.

'I won't leave Bickslow' she paused, trying to find words 'I want to be here for you, whatever it is'

She took a risk and stepped around the sofa until they were almost chest to chest. Bickslow didn't move while walking towards him, but Lisanna noticed how his eyes flickered between keep being angry and something that was making her eyes sting.

'Just' she reached a hand towards his face 'Just tell me, Bickslow'

Her hand got slapped away before even touching him.

'So, what? You think me telling you will make anything better?' she knew the mistake she'd made, him glaring at her, seething by some sudden rage 'You think I will just "Oh now all things will go back to normal. I'm going to be normal"? Huh, is that it? You want to _fix_ me? I'm will never be normal, Lis!'

Lisanna stood her ground when Bickslow came closer to her, she knew he would never hurt her, no matter how angry he got. But tears began to drip down on her cheeks, knowing what his voice murmured while sleeping.

'You think it will fix me by telling you about my past? Huh?' A harsh breath 'You think. You think telling you about how my mom and dad got killed just because of me- this fucking-' Bickslow glared at his clenched fists 'because of this fucking seith magic shit I have! Huh?'

Lisanna began shaking her head, whispering his name. She wanted him to stop. She knew this just hurt him more and she didn't want that.

But he didn't stop, he wasn't there anymore, in his mind. He was in his memories, reliving what otherwise these days he only saw in nightmares.

'You think, me telling you about how they dragged me away from my mom's bloody corps. How I broke someone's arm to get to my dad that hanged in a snare by some tree, because-' a head shake 'it was _fun_ to see a corps get hanged' he spit out like he was mimicking what someone said at that moment when it happened.

Bickslow turned around, hands gripping tightly his blue tuffs of hair. Lisanna reached a hand towards him, but her feet wouldn't move.

With his back towards her, head dropped.

'You think' quiet voice 'You think, me telling you. How they beat me. Tortured me' a quick breath 'How they. _Raped_ me' his voice broke.

He made a quick turn and then he was in front of her again. Eyes empty.

'No' Lisanna's thick voice of tears breathed to deaf ears, Bickslow was somewhere else in his mind, his eyes staring at her.

'I was fine, Lis. I was fine with waking up after reliving those fucking memories!' He waved angry at her 'Then you go and fucking ask me about my parents like that?! About my fucking past?!'

'I know what I said and I'm so-'

'I was fine, you know. I was fine because when I woke' A breath 'Just one look at you. One look and it didn't matter. I was alright.'

Lisanna stared at him

'Yeah, you didn't know huh? I was fine-'

'No Bickslow' Lisanna said, her hand warmed his cheek in a soft caress 'You keep telling yourself, but you're not fine'

Bickslow grabbed her hand pushed it away, leaning his head towards her

'What the fuck do you know? Huh? Don't fucking preach how I-'

'You're not fine Bickslow, no one sounding and saying things like that while sleeping, can feel fine' she tried to grab his face, but he avoided her, stepping back.

'I'm fine, Lis!' his voice broke when her hand caressed his cheek one more time, but he pulled away again 'Stop! I don't need! I don't-'

Lisanna caressed his arms, his face, his chest. Tears falling down her own cheeks when she clearly saw the real pain he's hidden coming to surface. Bickslow desperately grabbed her wrists, keeping them away from him.

'I don't need' he growled but the intensity disappeared in a breath when his eyes really met her ' _you_ '

Lisanna knew that wasn't true.

'But _I_ need _you_ ' her voice whispered taking him by surprise 'I can't. Change, the past. But you are now the most important person I have. And who am I, if I ignore the quiet suffering the one I love go through. What does that speak of me?'

Bickslow's tight grip around her wrist felt more desperate, not to keep her away from him, but more like he desperately was holding on to her. Those red eyes, they now spoke more than every word he'd ever spoken to Lisanna.

'If I let you go through this alone' Lisanna determinedly shook her head, tears of her landing on his bare chest 'I won't do that, Bickslow. It doesn't matter how much you push me away or tell me harsh words. I won't let you go, I won't be someone ignoring the pain you feel'

It got quiet after the last word. Moments went by, them just staring at each other.

Lisanna didn't dare make a sound, her almost not breathing, afraid it would make too much noise and break the atmosphere. She confessed a lot of things in just seconds and it wasn't ideal to do that, but she was desperate. She wanted him to know he could trust her, lean on her.

She knew the rumors. Bickslow was a "ladies' man", always flirting. Bickslow slept around, new girl every weekend. She knew this because everyone dear to her kept warning her about him when they heard Bickslow was the man she started dating. This was six month ago and by now she knew Bickslow was one she saw a future with, despite the rumors still going on.

Lisanna felt a twig in her heart, because she was selfish. She wasn't the one confessing. The things Bickslow told her, it must be hitting him now, that he said all those things he kept hidden from- did someone else know about this other than her now? - and what if he waited for her to say something.

Lisanna's throat was dry and she tried swallowing, but her spit felt like a lump and it gave her the urge to cough. Instead she tried a calming smile, slowly testing her hand, if the grip would let go. It did.

The hand met the skin on his bare chest and slowly traveled along to his neck, catching one of the now almost dried tears from her along the way. Her eyes followed the hand's motions and she could feel his gaze on her face, like he searched for something.

She stopped the hand where her thumb could softly graze his bottom lip. It was dry, cracked even.

'I honestly don't know what I can say. No words feel like they will do any good' their eyes met 'but I will always be here for you, Bickslow'

Silence returned between them. His adam's apple bobbing while red eyes were now searching the blue ones. When their gaze was broken, him lowering his head, Lisanna felt like she'd lost something.

'I, eh' clearing of throat 'I think. I think I need to go'

Their skin on skin connection was broken as well when he turned around. Lisanna panicked, grabbing his arm.

'Wait, Bickslow! Don't go!' desperation coloring the words and the grip on his arm.

If she let him walk out now. Would he come back? Would he come back to her and not just the house?

Bickslow slightly turned his head, not looking at her.

'Let go, Lisanna'

Lisanna refused. Bickslow sighed softly when the grip didn't lessen.

'I need to' the other hand of his cradled his head 'sort things through. _Alone_ '

Lisanna still refused to let go, but even so, her fingers started to lessen the grip on his arm. But, she didn't want this. She didn't want to watch his retreating figure taking some clothes, calling their babies and leave the house.

Her knees hit the floor when the door closed. The floor was cold. Cold by the loss of warmth from the fireplace that should be lit. Close to her, you could hear the strange cuckoo clock Bickslow found when they were at some market last month. Lisanna counted the ding dongs it made, it was a sound she thought she wouldn't get used to. She even told Bickslow this when he said he wanted it, because "Look Lisanna, the head's turned backwards! How awesome isn't that!". But he got what he wanted, she couldn't say no to him when being so happy. Lisanna chuckled at the memory, Bickslow did that, getting her to see happiness even in the saddest moments.

Her heart made an unusual drop, her hand seeking the pain underneath the fabric having Bickslow's scent. The waft of air her hand made, sent his scent into her nose and it caused her to urgently grab the fabric, pressing it against her face. Desperately she inhaled the scent of him, fabric slowly becoming damp of tears.


	2. part 2

**[This contain, in my opinion, smut]**

* * *

The cold floor had turned into a warm surface when Lisanna finally fell asleep, cheek wet with tears trapped between skin and wood. Her thoughts kept her awake until the strange cuckoo clock made four ding dongs, she couldn't remember when it made five.

The moment she fell asleep colored dreams took over her mind. Colors taking no shape, swirling in her mind until she felt her tummy starting to flip with motion sickness.

Voices whispering caught her attention while floating and her eyes widened by the strange darkness they brought, like something rotting away the beautiful colors. Lisanna sensed a dark power so close it was licking at her feet. A power she suspected, if taking its hold on her, it would drain her body until the only thing left of her was a shell. The voices became louder, Lisanna noticed they were trying to drag her into that darkness creeping closer to her and she desperately started clawing in the colors to escape. But, in horror she saw the colors slipping through her fingers, like slime but leaving no trace on her skin.

'No' a whisper leaving her lips when her body was pulled towards the rotting decay of what before was beautiful colors.

Her eyes suddenly caught the sight of a brighter color, swirling its way towards her. On pure instinct, Lisanna reached her hand towards it, but when almost touching, the color hesitated and stopped coming closer. The waves of emotions it gave away, Lisanna felt this color wasn't like the other colors, this one seemed to be glowing, but she wasn't truly sure.

The palm of her hand twitched and she noticed the color had given in to letting her try touching it. At once it slipped through her fingers, but not like the others. Lisanna could feel the feather light touch caress the skin on her arm until stopping on her cheek. Relieved to feel something other than cold and alone, Lisanna seek the warmth the brighter color brought. The more they touched, Lisanna no longer noticed the other colors, or the darkness and voices, only this beautiful one. She watched how it started to grow, pushing the dark rotting voices from her legs and feet until she was completely embraced by its glowing color, lifting her to safety.

That's when her eyes flutter open. At first, everything was blurry until she felt someone swaying her body when moving in the house. Lisanna's eyes shot wide open and she felt a pang of panic, but then the scent hit her. It was faint, overpowered by the smell of cold weather, but it was there.

'Bickslow' her voice was barely heard.

Soft sheets touched her cold legs, arms holding her in bridal style was starting to let go.

'No' her voice broke and by the lost of touch her body flew up until sitting on knees.

Arms swing around his neck, pulling herself closer to him until her face was buried in his neck. Bickslow was home. He was safe.

Tentatively arms snaked around her waist, pulling the smaller body onto his lap. Lisanna felt cold fingers gently tangle themselves with her white hair, keeping her safe, tucked against his warm neck. She couldn't hold it back any longer.

'I'm so so-orry' voice muffled by skin, thick with tears 'I didn't mean to-'

Inching even closer to him, Lisanna couldn't say anything else, sniveling her stuffy nose.

'I know, babe' his breath tickled her ear 'I-'

Bickslow stilled his voice, not knowing what to say. Instead, he pressed his nose against the tousled hair, him craving to feel his body relax by her scent. These hours being away has taken its toll on him and right now, all he wanted to do was to forget and just be with her. No memories. No fight. Just him and her.

His breath hitched when his hands wandered under the thin long-sleeved shirt of his to feel that wonderfully soft skin, seeking her warmth. She didn't wear anything under it. The desire was there in an instant. It wasn't appropriate, not now, but his dick didn't seem to know when to hold back and he couldn't stop the breathless groan by the pleasurable feeling Lisanna's movement brought, soft butt cheeks pressing down against his hardening.

'I'm sorr-' Bickslow's voice stopped when plump lips brushed against the sensitive skin on the side of his neck.

He quickly bit the inside of his cheek to not give away any more sound, but a sharp breath left his lips by teeth scraping against his skin where the plump lips been. He wanted her. More than anything else, he wanted her. But it wasn't the right time. They needed to sleep then talk, before anything else. So why did he grab those butt cheeks, turning her until she was straddling him, pressing down the heat between her legs against the fabric of his pants, earning one of her sexy moans that always drove him crazy.

He could still stop this, stop her. Right now this was wrong, but her lips and tongue sliding along his throat, her skin against the palm of his hands. If this was wrong, then why did everything she did to him, how her skin felt against his. Why did it feel so right?

Tanned hands sliding to pale hips, grinding their bodies against each other, earning another moan with that beautiful voice of her. His breath fanning along her collarbone when she threw her head backwards by the pleasant feeling of having the evidence he wanted her badly pressing against her wetness.

Thumbs caressing hipbones, massaging downwards, stopping just above her heat. A cheeky smile graced his lips when teeth nipped his stubble jaw from not having shaved for two days, in punishment for him not going lower with his thumbs.

Lisanna ripped down the zipper on his jacket in one smoothed movement, him letting go of her just to take it and the shirt under off. Then his big hands that she loved grabbed onto her hips again, sliding upwards along her spine, causing pleasurable shivers in her body, pressing her soft breasts against his hard chest.

Lisanna had to taste him and she quickly gave into the need, leaning down, kissing his pecs with her tongue, nibbling on his nipple to hear that cute sound he always made.

'We can't go on, babe' Bickslow moaned, now having one hand tangled in her hair the other massaging her shoulder, thumb caressing the sensitive spot of hers.

'Why?' Lisanna breathed, kissing her way up to the black figure on his face, remembering how he hated her touching it the first time. But when digging deeper into the why, it wasn't her touch he hated, but the reminder it was there.

Her eyes softened, feeling a sadness when the black figure was in front of her. She now knew the deeper meaning of the hate he felt by being reminded of the magic he possessed.

The lips giving her a soft peck on her collarbone, then head leaning against her shoulder, made her lower the gaze to the blue tufts. Her fingers began playing with the wild strands of hair, nails gently scraping against his scalp. Bickslow gave away a low pleased moan.

'I love your fingers'

Lisanna smiled.

'Yeah?'

She felt Bickslow nod.

'Yeah, they're like, sent from heaven. Or some shit like that' his choice of words making her feel happiness.

Those same praised fingers then grabbed onto the blue hair, pulling his head and causing him to groan deeply with a different kind of pleasure, until their eyes met. Her having a teasing smile and a raised eyebrow.

'Still loving them?'

Bickslow gave her a crooked smile with gentle eyes.

'Even more'

They gazed into each other's eyes. At that moment, to breathe was almost not existing in their mind, but even so, their excited gasp of air was loud in their ears. Emotions rushed in their veins, making them almost dizzy and their eyes still staring at each other suddenly said too much this early in their relationship.

Then their lips met in a fierce kiss. Her lips was soft, tasting salt from all the tears falling. His was cracked, still cold from the hard weather outside. Their lips was like them, Bickslow realize while swallowing a moan from her caused by his hand finding and teasing her nipple until it became hard. Lisanna was soft like her lips, her touch always loving. And like her lips mended his cracked ones, her touch was the only one his body could accept.

Her touch. Smile. Eyes. Before, anyone's touch was like reliving a nightmare in his head. Then Lisanna came back from the dead and seeing her soul for the first in a long time, it made his eyes start searching for her when arriving at the guild. But her friendly touch, a hand on his arm while laughing at his joke, was making him realize he didn't flinch or take a step back.

He noticed how her eyes gazing into his with nothing other than pure honesty when walking her home at night, was making him feel he could trust her. Then every time those lips was smiling wide and bright, or small and only for him, he knew she was something special, like no one else.

Bickslow couldn't hold back a moan when Lisanna released him from the pants. He bit his tongue to not rush things when Lisanna sat down, not linking them together, her heat pressing teasingly against his painful throbbing shaft. When their lips connected again in a desperate kiss, he knew, like he always did, that he would only ruin her and the pureness he felt shimmer within her. The more his lips kissed her, tongues sweep against each other, he knew that his black soul was only going to tatter her-

His face turned into a painful one, teeth biting into his lower lip. Angry blue eyes meeting his when the teeth let go of his lip.

'Stop it, Bickslow' hands grabbed his face, making him gaze into the blue ones.

He could see his own reflect in hers, glowing green with lost control and he quickly closed his eyes, squeezing them hard to lower the risk Lisanna being affected by them.

The only negative thing with Lisanna was, he couldn't keep control over the magic when she touched him. It always made him fear that he unconsciously would take control over her soul. Or worse, making Lisanna realize she should fear him.

'Open your eyes, Bickslow' the voice wasn't angry anymore, but soft.

He made a negative sound.

'Not yet' his eyes was still pulsating with magic, but this time it was harder for him to calm down.

Too much had happened just these few hours, him fighting all these different kind of emotions. Anger. Hate. Sorrow. Shame. Confusion. And Lisanna was making him even more crazy with desire this time, even his skin was trembling with want.

Those hands still cradling his cheeks, the thumbs squished his lips together, making him look like an ugly fish.

'I want to see them' she whispered and all he really could do then was to comply, while Lisanna's thumbs let the hostage go, his lips.

Carefully his eyelids lifted, and he saw his own eyes's reflection again. Lisanna's brows was shaped with her eyes into adoration when seeing his green ones.

'They're so bright and beautiful' she whispered her lips smiling softly 'just like I see your soul as, Bickslow'

The magic was starting to pull by her words. Bickslow saw the bright green beginning to glow even brighter in the reflection of her eyes. Lisanna suddenly gasped and panic grasped him, but then he noticed she was still smiling and the smile grew with each second, which turned the panic into confusion. Tears colored her eyes and Bickslow watched, now even more confused, how a tear slowly left her eye while still having her gaze connected with his.

'I can feel you' Lisanna chuckled, like she couldn't believe something, making Bickslow raise an eyebrow.

'But, I haven't even put it in yet'

Lisanna slapped his shoulder while still smiling

'Not that, stupid. I can feel' she took a breath, whispering 'I think I can feel your soul'

Bickslow's eyes widened. Then slowly he started shake in a throaty chuckle, Lisanna glared at him.

'I'm serious Bickslow! I felt something'

Chuckling, Bickslow took her face between his hands, smiling at the ridiculousness of her feeling his soul.

'I believe you babe, but I don't think it was my soul you were feeling' his thumb pushed gently at the deep frown between her brows 'More like my dick wanting to dig itself into the most perfect place there is for it'

He gave her pouting lips a soft peck.

'Don't be like that' he tried, smiling at how cute she was when Lisanna didn't stop pouting.

'But I swear, I did feel something' her arms twitched like a child arguing it was unfair 'I'm serious! When I looked into your eyes something was pulling here' she placed a hand over her chest.

Bickslow stilled and felt a nervous shiver, swallowing thickly. Was what she described, him trying to take her soul? What if it was him unconsciously trying to possess her!

'Then it was like I was looking at myself, but not really' her voice made him focus on her and how she moved while explaining 'Like, I was still seeing you, but it was like, I was sensing I was seeing me'

Lisanna groaned, hiding her face in hands.

'I sound so stupid'

'No! Go on' Bickslow hurried, recognizing what she was describing, taking her hands from hiding her face to meet his eyes.

Lisanna gave him a look and he sighed.

'Now _I'm_ serious. Go on, tell me'

She raised her eyebrows, still not believing him.

'Oh, come on! Just tell me'

She sighed, giving in, then gave it a second to think.

'At first I was just admiring how beautiful your eyes are' a snort, she glared at him and he raised his hands in surrender 'Anyway. But, then it was like. I felt you- and not your dick so shut up- and the more I focused on that feeling, I sensed I was looking at myself and I was filled with such lovely warmth and so many new and different emotions-'

Their eyes met and Lisanna gave him a teary smile.

'- like they weren't my own'.

Bickslow stared at her. Then something happened that Lisanna has never seen before. Slowly, a rosy color took its place on Bickslows cheeks, ears and down his neck.

'Oh, shit'

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **1\. Want a third part? Please let me know coz I have ideas ready but not the motivation to write (and you guys reading often give me that:) )**

 **2\. About Bickslow letting Lisanna sense his soul and emotions: I read a story, unfortunately I can't remember which, were something similar happened and I really liked the idea :)**


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